Putting my money where my waist is

This week I am making a financial commitment to health. With no groceries the past week and subsisting on pseudo-food, I couldn't take it anymore and took a trip to Trader Joe's. I spent money on groceries, which is usually not in my budget, although dining out seems to have made it, and can actually visualize a successful week. Now all I need to do is go back to the gym, which I haven't been to in a week. Success seems very realistic this week. Must lose two pounds!! Will lose two pounds!!

All In Vain

I love reading magazine articles about people on some holy quest to lose weight. There is always some person who makes the following claim: "This is not about vanity, it's about health." I'm going to go a different route and be a little more truthful than they are willing to be. It is all about my vanity. The main reason I want to lose weight is for my looks, and health just happens to be a bonus. I grew up in a Filipino family, and culturally, Filipinos are pretty blunt, especially with matters concerning weight. My uncles especially find my fatness funny. My last trip to the Philippines was five years ago and my self-respect and confidence were bludgeoned to death with every wise-crack. (I was also thirty pounds lighter at the time and there is no way I could ever be dragged to the Philippines right now) So for me, losing weight has everything to do with my looks. I'd like to go home to the Philippines and not be told that my jumping into the pool would trigger a tsunami. I want my old jeans back, the cute ones I had three years ago that I had to put away. I want to feel what little confidence I had before I gained all my weight. Health is important somewhat, but I just want to be proud of the way I look, which I'm not now. I'm not saying that beauty is the most important thing, but I am saying that my self-perception is greatly altered by how I look. I hate self-absorbed people who rely solely on their looks. For me this kind of vanity is different. It's about pride. It's about being okay with my physical attributes. I guess it's about a kind of acceptance where I'm not simply resigned to who I am, but completely satisfied as well.

Happy New Year!

So, it is finally 2010!! I don't know what it is about humans and the need for a clean slate, but what is cleaner than a brand new year? I can erase all of last year and make this one the best one so far. I think I had a pretty good start so far with my one hour of cardio. It's time to make resolutions. As I was working out, I kept asking myself what I want to look like on my 25th birthday. Do I want to fit into my dress? (I bought one a few dress sizes smaller) My personal goal is to lose 40 pounds this year. I know I can do it, it's just a matter of acting on those thoughts. Here's to a good week so far... I wish everyone luck on this new year and on the resolutions that come with it!

"Here we go again... again"

This is getting embarrassing. Here I stand, on top of my broken promises, which I've shattered myself, and I feel defeated by this challenge. Even I don't believe myself as I write this, but all I can do is make a commitment to health and hope that something inside of me truly means it. My thirties are slowly creeping toward me and I am no closer to attaining my goal of losing however much weight it will take to make me feel worthy. So with the upcoming new year staring me in the face, I make another attempt, another promise to LOSE THIS WEIGHT. "Here I go again.... again..."

Back at One.

It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.
Confucius

I have to start my sixty-day plan all over again. Last week, unprepared, I jumped into this two month plan with no real sense of commitment. I realize now that with attempting to lose weight, I have to be as prepared as I possibly could because without preparation, it is so easy to just give up. I realize at this point that promises are useless. All I can really do is put everything I can into losing weight and instead of hoping for the best, I should strive to be the best.

Day Three and a Half

I have now done my infomercial exercise for the past two days!!! I'm very pleased because I've been working long hours all week and I never thought I would be able to get up and just exercise. But I did! These exercises are insane but totally kicking my ass. (Just what I need)It's the best feeling when I can watch "The Biggest Loser" on television and not feel guilty when Jillian (or Bob, who is not so nice this season) goes off on a contestant for not sprinting for thirty seconds after a grueling hour of exercise. I do feel I need to up the ante on how long I exercise as my DVD workouts run for about forty minutes. But ... I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm showing some type of commitment to this sixty day thing!
The downside:
Today, I had oatmeal for breakfast, which is a good thing, but I managed to forget my lunch. Because of my long hours today at work, I had to resort to dining out. My choice for lunch was a turkey burger ... with a side of fries. Somehow, I rationalized that by eating those fries, I was not cheating on my diet. Halfway through my meal, I didn't feel so justified and proceeded to beat myself down. Despite the guilt, I managed to eat every single fry. The upside is I still kept my caloric intake to about 1300-1400 calories today. I'm not really sure it was the healthiest way to do so.
Anyway, water under the bridge. By the way, I've lost two pounds since I've started this thing so I'm doing something right! ;)

It just got serious

I'm watching "The Biggest Loser" and Jillian went off on someone for eating cupcakes. Wow, it just got serious.